Top 12 of '12

In honor of the culmination of the year 2012 (WE SURVIVED A MAYAN ALIEN ATTACK, OR WHATEVER THAT WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT!!!), this is a countdown of my top 12 favorite posts I made during the past year.

Yes, this is my blog's version of a clip show.

Enjoy!

12. The Self Aware Aspie  (12/23/12) - how a diagnosis helps an Aspie and others understand their situation.

11. Feeling Out of Place (8/15/12) - I get the feeling that I don't belong.

10. Friday Night Anti-Socialite  (11/3/12) - I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable at a social gathering.

9. Like I'm Not Even There  (4/6/12) - Nobody listens to my awesome ideas.

8. Perfectionism (7/15/12) - Why can't everything be right?

7. The Dentist (1/25/12) - I suffer through a trip to the dentist.

6. Dunkin Donuts Ruins My Day (1/10/12) - It's the little things that drive me mad.

5. Hi, Nice to Meet You. By the Way, I Have Aspergers. (10/15/12) - How does one drop the Aspie bomb?

4. I'M NORMAL!!! (for once) (10/16/12) - I surprise myself with my unexpectedly rational behavior.

3. The Challenges of Being an Aspie and a Parent  (6/28/12) - You think being an NT parent is hard?

2. Unseen Health Risks of Aspergers (2/23/12) - A doctor's office can be a scary place.

1. Facing the Truth  (8/6/12) - Aspies will save the world!

Rejection!

So I'm feeling down today because one of my idea for my SBB course project got shot down like Porkins attacking the Death Star, so now I feel completely dumb and stupid.

It goes like this: for my SBB course I need to write an evidence based research paper that is publication-ready. For those of you who speak regular English, I basically have to write a thesis paper based on blood bank stuff. While we were discussing the project in Indiana, everyone in my class seemed to have these great original research ideas that included novel ideas, applying to review boards, doing trial experiments, etc.

I had nothing.

After some thinking, I came up with what I thought was a good and interesting idea (I won't bore you with the details, because you won't get past this paragraph without falling asleep in your own drool puddle). My education coordinator was a little concerned that it wouldn't work out, so I asked the director of my lab what he thought and if he could help.

For his answer, see above.

So yeah, feeling kinda stupid today. I know that rejection is just a thing and it's the idea not me and it's no big deal and I was maybe overreaching and.... whatever. I don't do well with rejection. It's why I never really took writing seriously. But it's not only that. Everyone else in my class seems to be so researchy-cool and know what they are doing. Am I the guy they are all looking at and thinking, "Well, at least I'm not as dumb as that guy"?

I do have a couple of other ideas that I can use. I just have to settle on one fast, since the plan proposal is due like... now. But I guess I'll just have to figure something out and get the job done, one way or another.

Or else, I'll just fail.
(That one's for you, honey)  ;)

Prefectionism Perfectionism

One interesting trait that I notice a lot of people with Aspergers show is perfectionism. The perfectionism usually goes right along with one of the Aspie's main "passions" - if the Aspie is interested in doing something, it MUST be done perfectly, otherwise what's the point in doing it? Note that this is not the same as OCD, although Aspies can show that as well. No, this isn't excessive handwashing or hyper-organization I'm talking about. It's the overwhelming need to NOT BE WRONG.

My daughter is having so much trouble with this right now. She has been absolutely tearing through her home school assignments. She's learning stuff so quickly that she's now getting deep into Grade 2 assignments even though she is only 7. As she comes across subjects that are more complex, it's natural for her not to have all the answers right away.

Try telling her this.

When she doesn't know the answer to a question, she does everything she can to avoid making an incorrect guess. She will whine, cry, overdramatize... ANYTHING to avoind giving a wrong answer. Even after I tell her to take a guess and that being wrong is okay, she still won't give in. She has had full on, hour long tantrums simply because she could not spell the word "bounce."

Although my reactions aren't as extreme, I definitely have a perfectionism issue as well. While it's an asset professionally (I work in a place that pretty much demands perfectionism), it is a drain on my psyche socially. My perfectionism manifests itself as a fear of looking stupid in front of people by doing something "wrong." That's why I'm constantly second guessing my behavior, which accounts for a great deal of my social awkwardness and anxiety.

The good thing is I have learned to cope with my perfectionism to a degree. I've learned that being perfect is pretty much impossible, and that my best effort is all I should be looking for. If I'm wrong, so be it, as long as I tried my hardest to do the right thing. In essence: the best I can do is the best I can do.

Now if I can just get my daughter to believe that bullshit.