Top 12 of '12

In honor of the culmination of the year 2012 (WE SURVIVED A MAYAN ALIEN ATTACK, OR WHATEVER THAT WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT!!!), this is a countdown of my top 12 favorite posts I made during the past year.

Yes, this is my blog's version of a clip show.

Enjoy!

12. The Self Aware Aspie  (12/23/12) - how a diagnosis helps an Aspie and others understand their situation.

11. Feeling Out of Place (8/15/12) - I get the feeling that I don't belong.

10. Friday Night Anti-Socialite  (11/3/12) - I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable at a social gathering.

9. Like I'm Not Even There  (4/6/12) - Nobody listens to my awesome ideas.

8. Perfectionism (7/15/12) - Why can't everything be right?

7. The Dentist (1/25/12) - I suffer through a trip to the dentist.

6. Dunkin Donuts Ruins My Day (1/10/12) - It's the little things that drive me mad.

5. Hi, Nice to Meet You. By the Way, I Have Aspergers. (10/15/12) - How does one drop the Aspie bomb?

4. I'M NORMAL!!! (for once) (10/16/12) - I surprise myself with my unexpectedly rational behavior.

3. The Challenges of Being an Aspie and a Parent  (6/28/12) - You think being an NT parent is hard?

2. Unseen Health Risks of Aspergers (2/23/12) - A doctor's office can be a scary place.

1. Facing the Truth  (8/6/12) - Aspies will save the world!

The Self Aware Aspie

Some people wonder exactly what a diagnosis of Aspergers gets them. Government assistance? Nope. Special insurance considerations? Doubt it. The understanding, care, and love of the general public? Far from it. Some not-so-gracious people may even see the diagnosis as an excuse for acting strangely. I'll tell you what the Aspergers diagnosis gives me - piece of mind. It allows me to personally understand what's going on, both in my brain and the brain of my daughter.

It's not easy for any parent to deal with the meltdowns that inevitably come with an Aspie child. You can hear a lot of things that can hurt you. An Aspergers diagnosis can help you better understand what your child is going through, what your child is really saying when s/he screams "I HATE YOU!" It helps you realize that it's a stress release, not an attack. Not that it washes your hands of your responsibility of your child, but it absolves you of blame for the tantrum.

In some cases, the diagnosis may be helpful for the child directly. My wife and I have talked to my daughter about her Aspergers; she knows that sometimes she just needs to let off some steam, and we've provided her a safe place to do that. When a tantrum occurs, she will loudly annouce to everyone (though heavy sobbing) that she "just need[s] to go upstairs and cry." And she does. And when she's finished, everything's okay and she knows we still love her. This out-of-control feeling could be very scary to a child who doesn't understand, but the diagnosis of Aspergers helps her understand that this stuff is normal... for her, anyway.

In ths case of adult Aspies like myself (note: although I haven't been formally diagnosed, I pretty much accept the fact that I do have Aspergers), a diagnosis can help with self-discovery in very much the same way. It can give you insight on why you do the compulsive things you do, and how to handle certain situations in order to diffuse tantrums before they happen. The other day I was trying to make lunch for my family, and I kept running into roadblock after roadblock (not enough ingredients, missing supplies, etc.) until finally I felt it coming on... I was going to blow. But before I did, I took a deep breath, looked at my wife, and said, "I need to go upstairs for a moment before i start tantruming." I did just that - I laid on the bed, closed my eyes, and just laid there. After a minute or two, I had regained enough composure to come back downstairs to make lunch with the stuff I had to work with.

It's funny - my wife and I had to really fight to get our daughter diagnosed with Aspergers. At first, we agreed that the diagnosis didn't really affect us or our love for our daughter; she was the same kid she always was and we wouldn't treat her any differently. The diagnosis at that time was mainly for the benefit of others, to understand why she acts the way she does and in order to get her the care she needed at school and such. But recently I've seen that the diagnosis has helped us, but not in the "We're ok with it" way. The diagnosis helps in understanding her, making her life and our lives more fulfilling by working with her needs as an Aspie. The diagnosis of Aspergers doesn't define me or my daughter, but it is part of who we are.

Unseen Health Risks of Aspergers and Autism

In general, Aspergers and Autism do not cause higher risk for health problems. Spectrum disorders are mainly cognitive in nature and do not lead directly to issues such as heart disease, cancer, or things like that. However, I believe that people with Spectrum disorders can suffer from health problems that would be routine for neurotypical individuals. It all comes down to prevention.

Most NTs will not be able to understand this, but nevertheless it is true - going to the doctor can be an overwhelmingly social experience. Think of all the social interaction that occurs during a doctor visit:
- the receptionist greets you
- you are required to provide your name, info, health insurance, medical history, etc.
- the nurse/PA greet you and asks you to describe your condition as s/he enters your personal space to pre-examines you
- the doctor greets you and asks you to describe your condition (again), asking more probative questions as s/he enters your personal space to examine you
- the receptionist handles your billing on the way out

All of this may seem simple to an NT... and yes, it is. But to an Aspie, I can tell you that this is a LOT of work. It's enough of a hassle to want to avoid the whole thing altogether.

Imagine being an Aspie for a moment, and it is absolute torture to even have to talk to people that you don't know. Now you are talking to 3 people, revealing intimate details about yourself to them, you are being touched all over. It's a pain. You HATE it. So you find yourself skipping your yearly physical. You have a little bit of pain in your chest? Shake it off. It's easier to deal with the pain than to go through that ordeal again. Next thing you know, you haven't been to the doctor in 10 years and the pain in your chest cannot be ignored. So you FINALLY get yourself checked out, only it's too late. Now you need heart bypass surgery.

It's like that. Aspergers didn't cause the heart disease, but it caused actions that led to the heart disease.

I've been thinking about my elbow lately. I have tendonitis in my elbow from repetitive movement at my job. I've had it looked at and gotten prescriptions for physical therapy. I really feel like the PT could be helpful in relieving some of the pain, but I stopped going after four visits. Why? Because the physical therapy involves me doing exercises for my elbow for an hour while a physical therapist watches. An hour of me sitting with this guy. After 10 minutes, I have nothing to say. I feel stupid talking, but the silence is even more uncomfortable. So I don't go anymore. The treatment is more painful mentally than the condition is physically.

I also think back to the post I made about going to the dentist. I'm lucky that I have strong teeth and gums and my gap in seeing the dentist was only about 2 or 3 years. There could be Spectrumites out there who haven't been to their dentist or doctor in over a decade.

How many of us out there have been skipping cancer screenings because of the sensory issues associated with needles and drawing blood?
How many of us have not had a regular eye exam because of a sensitivity to light?
How many of us are suffering from conditions that can be easily remedied or prevented by easier access to health care?