#DrunkAspieParty

So much fun!!!!

A bunch of Aspies and Aspie-related people having a great time on Twitter on New Years Eve!!!

By the way, I'mk very drunk while posting this. So poardon the trypos.

Back to the party!!! Happy New Year everyone!!!

Agree to Disagree

How am I supposed to tell someone that they are a self-centered jerk without sounding rude?

I read a blog post recently where a parent was explaining how they don't enjoy doing things with their kids, and they would rather just be the one who took care of their needs. The parent was looking for support of this idea, asking rather insistently if they were the only person who felt that way. Although I can guarantee that this person is not alone in feeling this way, that does not make it right.

If you look at your kids in this light, you are basically treating them like a chore - taking care of their bare maintenance needs and nothing else. The parent becomes a simple caretaker, a person that the child can only go to when assistance is required. There is no choice in the relationship (I don't know about anybody else, but I want my children to enjoy spending time with me and - GASP! - actually choose to do things with me). In time, the child will begin to sense this relationship and withdraw from the parent, only to reappear when the child needs something.

Of course, I wrote none of this in the blog's comment section because I was afraid it might have sounded callous and insensitive. My Aspergers makes me extremely proficient at sounding insensitive. I'll write it here because I don't think anybody reads this crap anyway.

This fear of "rubbing people the wrong way" creeps into many of my daily interactions. I'll go along with a lot of stuff just to avoid rocking the boat. I also find it difficult to express my actual opinions when talking to people; I usually just allow them to express theirs and then critique them (once again, coming off as insensitive). I assume when people express themselves (like in the blog I mentioned above) that they want people to agree with them, and disagreements are going to start fights

 I really don't like pissing people off, so most of the time I avoid the confrontation and either pretend to agree or ignore the whole situation totally. I do need to learn how to say no, disagree with someone, or express my true opinions without worrying how other people will react.

He Looked At Me!!!

Just a little example of what can knock an Aspie's day completely off track.

A shipment of office supplies comes in today, and the delivery guy needs a signature for the delivery form. I've done this a thousand times, no biggie. I could probably fill out the form with my eyes closed. And, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I can be friendly with the delivery guy in a work setting. As I finish filling out the form and begin to hand it back to him, I get this strange sensation that I'm being looked at.

I'm betting almost every Aspie knows this sensation. You can feel someone's eyes on you as if they are exerting some sort of palpable force onto you. From any angle, from behind, even from a decent distance away, I swear I can feel when someone is staring at me.

So I hand him the form and - BECAUSE I HAVE TO, DAMMIT!!! - I look up to confirm my suspicions. And, of course, I'm right. He's looking right at me.

And he holds eye contact with me.

I'm guessing it was about 45 minutes that we locked eyes, but it was more likely less than a second in reality. But that one moment made me so uncomfortable, and this is one of the essences of living with Aspergers. Eye contact is an intensely personal experience for us; if you know an Aspie and s/he can naturally hold eye contact with you, consider yourself in high regard with that person. It sounds like I'm going overboard, but I really felt invaded and violated, simply because our pupils aligned.

Afterwards, I felt like a mess. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I felt very tense, and I had a strong desire to pick at my fingers (didn't though!!!). My day, which was pretty darn decent up until then, got completely thrown out of whack. I've been slowly bringing my self back to center and trying to relax since then - dinner break helps a lot. Suprisingly, blogging about it helps even more.

Filling In the Blanks

Vacation trips to see my family are always interesting, and by interesting I mean both fun and extremely annoying at the same time. I am often triggered by mother, who still sometimes treats me as if I'm a child who needs help with everything (although, considering how my Aspergers affects me, can you really blame her?). Also, some members of my family tend to get extremely loud during the get-togethers, which creates an uncomfortable sensory experience for me. But, overall, I am glad to see them and I'm happy that I live close enough so I can visit without it being a big thing that requires months of planning ahead.

One of the most interesting things that always seems to happen is that my mother will end up chatting with me and my wife, and end up shedding some light on exactly how I was as a child. The discussion always starts with talking about how my daughter is progressing with school/dance/etc., but the conversation always veers towards how similar I was as a child. After each visit, I am invariably more certain in my Aspie diagnosis.

This time, my mom described how I was in grade school - at first, I found it hard to connect because I missed a significant portion of 1st grade due to health problems. My mother thought that I just got a late start socializing, however I suspect my Aspergers was to blame. She claims that once I got to high school I had a "troupe of friends following me around." I doubt this is true; I was friendly with many people but didn't hang out with many of them, and they DEFINITELY didn't follow me around!

My mom has a tendency to sugar coat things ("no, you never had tantrums when you were a kid") and/or distort memories to fit her liking, like the friends thing. If you take everything she says as truth, I was a perfectly normal kid. But if you pay attention to the small details she gives out - for example, during this trip I also found out that I went through a "phase" where I wouldn't eat anything but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches - you end up getting a different picture.

In This Post, I Worry About Worrying Too Much

I have a wonderful 6 year old daughter with Aspergers. She is smart, talented, beautiful, and absolutely amazing in every way possible. I am truly blessed to have her as a child. Despite these blessings, I am constantly worrying about raising her to become a "good person."

I try my hardest to make sure she is a nice, well mannered child. Sometimes it's difficult to do this with an Aspie child. People with Aspergers sometimes have a tough time being "nice" because it involves taking the emotions of others into account, which is notoriously difficult for Aspies. Teaching politeness is also a tough task because manners don't always make logical sense (for example: If you are going to get yourself a glass of water, get me one too; I shouldn't have to say please because you are already going to get a drink for yourself!). I want to make sure she lives a happy, successful life. Sometimes I worry that she won't have the tools she needs to achieve this because of her Aspergers.

But then I look at myself. Although I was never diagnosed, there is very strong evidence that I have Aspergers, as well. And, in my opinion, I have been pretty successful in life so far. I've also been generally happy (more so, in fact, since accepting my Aspie nature). So do I have to worry as much as I do?

I think about the stories my mom and older sisters tell me about when I was going to school when I was younger. They tell me how they were always so distraught about sending me to school, how much I hated it, how I was bullied constantly, and how it must have been torture for me.

I, of course, remember none of this.

From what I remember, school was pretty fun. I learned lots of stuff. I had friends (or, at least what I perceived to be friends at the time). There were lots of fun games and sports to play. I had a great time! I can't remember specific instances of being bullied; perhaps some kids tried, but I just didn't catch on. The worst thing I can think of is playing football in the schoolyard and nobody throwing the football to me. Oooooh, what a tragedy!!! Perhaps it's the Aspie nature of being disconnected from my emotions that allowed me to be oblivious to the terrible things my family saw. It's also possible that my family is kinda nuts and overdramatizing things.

So, now the roles are reversed - I'm the one wishing a happier life for my child, and she's the one who is probably happier than I could imagine her to be. And if I turned out happy, successful, polite, and friendly, who says she won't be able to do the same things I did?

UnTypical

There are certain things about me that are undecidedly Aspergers-ish. I have some sensory issues (most notably with my sock comfort), stimming behavior (picking/biting the skin on my fingers), social anxiety, and deep obsession for subjects I find interesting. However, there are some things about me that don't fit the typical Aspie profile.

For example - I do have issues with being in social situations. I hate talking to people I don't know, and I'm a mess on the phone. On the flip side of this, I am more than capable of handling situations like this when I'm at work or other settings where I am more confident in my abilities. I know I'm good at my job and will never be stumped by a question from someone on the other line, so I don't fear using the phone. I wonder if other Aspies have this ability to tune out their anxiety when necessary.

Another example, this one having to do with my stimming - I have been able to shed my stim behaviors in the past for periods of time, though they have always crept back (my worst specific stim behavior is picking and biting at the skin on my fingers, and not just the cuticles... sometimes I will pick the skin off the pads of my fingers or the sides of my fingertips until they bleed). Here's where it gets interesting: about a year ago, the lab I work at installed new security systems that required the use of fingerprint ID. Because of my skin picking, the scanner had trouble identifying my fingerprint. Because my job demanded it, I have been able to avoid picking/biting the specific finger that the scanner reads - effectively modifying my stim behavior to suit my needs. Is this something that any Aspie can do just by working hard and focusing on behavior modification?

Is there something special about me? Am I just lucky?

I'm beginning to think that there is no "typical" presentation of Aspergers. There is no "normal" Aspie profile. Overall there are some rough traits, but each Aspie is an individual work of art - a unique mosiac of all of the behaviors that make them who they are.

The Emotion Calculation

It's mostly common knowledge that people with Aspergers are devoid of emotions. It's also a common misconception. Most Aspies do experience a range of emotions from sadness to joy. The misconception stems from two places:

1) Aspies have difficulty expressing their emotions in the "socially agreed upon" manner.

2) Aspies very often experience emotions in extremely polarized states with no middle ground.

Reason 1 pops up because, although Aspies are good mimics, people will often express their emotions in slightly different ways. Some people may cry at the death of a loved one, others may throw themselves into charity work, and others may react in a different way entirely. While each of these reactions share an underlying theme of grief, an Aspie may see these three reactions as random and unrelated - they don't make sense. Therefore, it's tough for an Aspie to figure out the "correct" way to express an emotion.

Reason 2 sounds like all Aspies are bipolar, but that's not what I mean. The emotions don't necessarily wildly fluctuate from one extreme to another. It just means that the "low intesity" emotions are too weak for an Aspie to register; the Aspie brain is usually too busy with other stuff. A strong enough emotion will break through. For example: I find it almost impossible to "like" things. Either it's really bad and I hate it, or it's really good and I love it. Anything else, and I don't really have an opinion one way or another.

I think emotions are so difficult for a person with Asperger's to deal with because emotions are not a tangible entity. My mind works sort of like a mini-computer; it deals it facts and figures. Computers don't understand emotions because they can't be calculated. I'm often asking how I "should be" feeling in a situation because I honestly don't know. I have a theory on how I "should be" feeling based on past experiences and popular social customs, but I can never be sure.

So don't think that us Aspies are all just soulless, disconnected people. We do have hearts. We do have emotions. They just confuse us immensely.

That's So Nice Of You

I appreciate when people are friendly. I really do. But I would much rather someone just smile and walk by instead of trying to have a conversation with me. Most people enjoy the interaction; for me it's just too difficult.

Yesterday morning at church - after surviving the weekly "Sharing of the Peace" (which I've blogged about before) - I was waiting for my family by the car when a couple was walking by on the way to their car. I don't know them well, but I do know that they are nice people. They were havivng a conversation between themselves as they walked by, so I think I'm safe. As they pass me, the woman touches my elbow (!!!!!!!!!) and starts up some small talk with me.

Now, I have enough experience with you normal people to know that I'm supposed to talk back. I just can't do it without a significant amount of effort. It doesn't feel right. But I do it. And, unbelievably, it works! No weird comments, no crazy faces - a successful social interaction!

As the couple leaves, stress leaves my body in a huge sigh almost as if I was a pressure cooker. I couldn't help but feel stressed and a little triggered for the rest of the day, though. It worked out well, but I would rather not have to use up so much energy just trying to appear normal to the world.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

One thing I have major difficulties with is having to wait behind someone who is slower than me. Whether it's in line at the grocery store, or driving, or even just walking down a hall - I simply hate to wait. I hate it so much, it actually causes me anxiety and physical stress when I have to.

It's not really the waiting that hurts; I don't waiting for a doctor's appointment or even sitting in traffic. What hurts the most is the feeling that I'm wasting time. If the slower person would either speed up or get out of the way and let me pass, we would all be able to finish whatever we were doing faster. It's the sin of inefficiency that kills me.

But even that's not it. Even when I am in no rush to get anywhere, I find it almost impossible to submit to another person's pace. Walking into work today, I was a few minutes early. Instead of waiting to punch in at the time clock (MORE WAITING?!?!?!?), I decided to soak up the extra time by walk a bit slower than usual. Even at my leisurely pace, I ended up catching up to a slow walker. I forced myself to slow down and had to grit my teeth for the next two minutes to keep myself from passing her. It was torture.

I think it's the idea of wasting anything in general - time, energy, money, etc. I hate the idea of wasting anything because once you waste something, it's gone. I hate wrong turns because they waste gas. I hate forgetting to turn something off because it wastes electricity.

Do I hate this blog because I think it's a waste of my time? I don't think so.  :)

Just Can't Stop

My daughter had a meltdown today because she couldn't continue playing inside a "tent" she had made out of unsorted laundry on the couch. After a few minutes of crying, she went to her room for some cool down time. This was effective, but she was still upset afterwards about not being able to continue her indoor camping trip.

To be honest, I can't remember ever having this type of major meltdown. The only thing I can remember being so intensely attached to when I was a child was video games. I can't recall ever having a huge meltdown because I wasn't allowed to play Nintendo. Although, when I was a kid I was hardly ever told "no" by my parents - perhaps in order to keep me quiet and avoid the exact situation that occurred in my living room today.

Then again, I can't remember much of my aspie behavior from when I was a child. I have to go to my older sisters and my mom for that info. Maybe I'll ask them about this as well. Any type of insight I can gain will help me connect to my daughter.

Will I Please Just Shut Up?

One of the hallmark traits of Aspergers is incessant talking about topics of interest, to the point where people around the Aspie may be completely bored out of their minds. I fall victim to this very often. If you get me talking about the right subject, I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on.....

And so on.

I'm not quite sure why this happens. There could be a few reasons.

I very often have what I like to call "high intensity thoughts." These are thoughts and ideas that I find so cool/funny/interesting/amazing/etc. that I must hear them aloud in order to make them "real." Simply thinking them alone does not do the idea justice. I'll verbalize these thoughts in order to accomplish this, sometimes even when I'm by myself in a room. If I'm interrupted in the middle explaining one of these ideas to someone (most often my annoyed wife), I actually feel slight physical pain until I'm able to share the rest of it. I'm completely unable to just let it go.

Another reason could be the natural high I get from social interactions. It's hard to understand, but most Aspies actually want to have friends and be social; we are just very uncomfortable doing so because we have no idea how to do it. So when I get into a conversation with someone, it feels nice to actually be talking to someone. It feels so good, that I will continue talking about the subject long after it has gotten boring, just like a alcoholic will continue drinking long after they have gotten drunk.

The weirdest thing is that I know it's happening as it's happening. I've been talking to one of my coworkers about my fantasy football league lately. The conversation is kind of interesting at first, but eventually it gets to the point where I have to start explaining way too many things and I can tell I'm boring the shit out of him. But I just can't stop talking about it. Because I worry that if I stop talking about it, I won't have anything to talk about, and I will be alone on my Aspie island again.

I've been trying hard lately to just let these "high intensity thoughts" stay inside my head. It's difficult, but I can do it if I try. I'm also working on dropping a conversation when I can tell I'm boring someone. Sometimes I have trouble telling exactly when that happens, but I'm getting better. It's just weird that I have to actively think about these things, when neurotypical people do this naturally. It makes me wonder what you normal people think about all day with all of your free time.

Look at me... I've done it again. I probably bored you to death about two paragraphs ago. Okay, no problem. I'll shut up now.

Hell in a Hallway

Oh God, you don't even know the stress that goes on in my brain during the simplest moments - like walking down a hallway, for instance.

Talking to my wife about this, she assumed that the most uncomfortable situation for me as an Aspie would be walking down a hallway filled with people. Not so. In fact, walking down a crowded hallway is better than walking alone, and you will understand why soon enough. When walking in a crowd, I can blend in and not be the focus of anyone's attention. The less people there are, the higher chance that someone else will catch my eye and I will feel obligated to interact. Walking by myself is cool, but there is always a chance that a passerby is just around the corner.

The absolute worst situation for me is walking down a long stretch of hallway and having ONE person walking towards me in the opposite direction. To me, this is an intimate social interaction. Am I supposed to acknowledge the other person's presence? Would making eye contact with a stranger be creepy? Or would ignoring them be rude? I usually end up fidgeting around or pretending to look for something in my pocket until they pass and the coast is clear.

It's even worse if the approaching person is someone I know. Is there any way I can pretend that I don't see them? Have they seen me yet? Should I wave to them? Will they want to come down the hall and talk to me? Should I say hi? How long should I wait to say hi? Is shouting down the hallway appropriate behavior? WHAT DO I DO??????

Maybe I should start walking around without my glasses on. Then I can always claim that I didn't recognize them from so far away because my vision is so bad. Or maybe I should just stay out of long hallways.

Avatar

The internet is truly a wondeful place for Aspies to be able to converse with other people. It allows for social interation and eliminates all of the difficulties with having to deal with people. It's almost as if they invented the internet for Aspies.

Think about it: you can spend all the time you want crafting what you want to say. You don't have to make eye contact. There is no way to create social inflection such as sarcasm. The internet creates a level playing field where Aspies and neurotypicals can communicate without barriers.

It's not surprising to me to find out that Aspies often find deep, meaningful relationships with people they "met" online. I find message boards to be extremely liberating. I've joined message boards on multiple subjects and I absolutely love the opportunity to be in a social exchange. And, in the most extreme example, I met my wife online. I doubt I could have convinced her to spend time with me if I had to talk to her in person.

These types of thoughts make me wonder: could an Aspergers social movement be responsible for the increase in traffic at social networking sites like Facebook, as well as online dating sites? Are Aspies in the middle of a cultural revolution? We shall rise as one!!!

Or maybe we'll just continue having fun posting dumb shit on Twitter.

Wanna Fight About It?

You people argue over the strangest things.

I will freely admit that I obsess over certain things. My passion for video games and fantasy football outweighs the capacity of interest of any normal man on this planet. But some of you people are passionate about subjects that are equally as strange, to the point that you are willing to start fights over them.

I know two people who got into a screaming match because one person was planning on buying the same car that the other one had just bought a month earlier. I've seen a couple argue over the correct way to stir a drink in a restaurant. I've been a witness to heated discussions attempting to assign blame over a lost game of Pictionary.

And I'm the one who is supposed to have the social skills of a child?

Two of my coworkers who were once good friends are no longer speaking to each other because one of them used the other's favorite name for their newborn baby. If these people were related, I understand why this could be a source of contention - it would make things a little strange at family events and stuff. This has happened a few times in my family. I get it.

But theses two people are not related. These kids (one of which is still only a hypothetical kid) will never meet each other at a family reunion or wedding or anything like that. They will most likely never have to deal with each other. So what's the big freaking deal? It's almost as if these two women saw that episode of Seinfeld with the name Seven and figured that real life must be like that. Sounds very Asperger-ish to me.

Anxiously Sharing the Peace

The church I go to has a custom of "sharing the peace" at the beginning of each ceremony - the people in the congregation walk around the church, shaking hands with each other and sharing a friendly hello.

For a person with Aspergers like me, it's torture.

I thought church was about trying to avoid hell, not putting people in it.

The smallest social interactions can be so uncomfortable for Aspies:
- calling a doctor's office to make an appointment
- listening to a coworker's story about their weekend
- being alone in a room with a friend of a friend
- having to explain an idea to someone who may not be interested

All of these exchanges may seem simple to a neurotypical person. To Aspies, these are great challenges that we must overcome. And we shall overcome... if you force us to.

Aspie Kryptonite

My wife likes to refer to my daughter and I as "super heroes" because our senses tend to work at a higher intensity than most people. For example, we are the first ones to hear a faint sound coming from outside, or a change in temperature in our house. I'm not so quick to claim super hero status - it's more likely that my daughter and I lack the ability to filter out the stimuli that normal people dismiss as background noise. However, I do agree that people with Aspergers - and people with Autism in general - are more sensitive to their environment. Their brains take in the stimuli and process it in different ways than a neurotypical person does, and these differences show in how they react to their environment.

I've found that, as I've grown older, I've learned to use the differences in the way I perceive my world in positive ways. I use the fact that I lack a sensory filter as an advantage to take in more info about my surroundings than a neurotypical person would. I have had to train myself to not be overwhelmed by the incoming stimuli, and that takes focus (something children with Autism very often lack). However, when my ability to focus is impaired, these skills lose their positive value very quickly.

During this week, I've had to shift my hours back and forth between evening shift and midnights, losing significant sleep in the process. Because of this, I find myself turning almost dyslexic at times, transposing numbers and/or letters while filling out paperwork (My daughter does something similar when she gets tired: she reads and writes letters backwards - d's become b's, p's become q's, and so on). I've had to fix about 15 typos while typing this up... I probably shoudl have left them in for effect. The worst part is that my alck of focus ends up muting the positive aspects of my Aspie traits (thinking speed, memory, multitasking) and increases the negatiove ones (irritability, social withdrawal, stimming).

So, contrary to what my wife says, I'm no super hero. I just experience the world differently and react to it in a different way. I'm vulnerable to the same mental breakdowns as she and every other "normal person" is... perhaps even more so.

The Social Exchange

You normal people take a lot of things for granted. For example: the ability to have a normal conversation with a waiter in a restaurant without feeling like a complete idiot.

My family went out to dinner last night, and we had a great time. The food was good, we had fun, and service was very nice. The only problem I had was the waiter kept going "off script."

You see, ever since i was a kid I've been watching the interaction between my parents and the waiters of the restaurants we went to. During all of these visits, my Aspie brain crafted a specific "script" that I usually try to stick to when conversing with the waiter. I expect certain questions and I can have the answers ready in advance in order to make everything run smoothly through dinner. But when a question comes from off script, I don't know what to say.

It's usually when a waiter makes a friendly remark about something other than the meal, or when he or she asks a vague question. Last night, the waiter asked "Should I leave that, or are you finished?" My brain immediately sees the following problems with the question:

1) I'm not 100% sure who he is talking to. Is he talking to my wife, in which case if I answer I will be interrupting? Or is he talking to me, in which case if I don't answer I look like I'm not paying attention?

2) I'm not sure which plate he's talking about. We had salad and appetizer plates in front of us. I was done with the salad but not the appetizer. How am I supposed to answer for him to take one plate but leave the other?

3) It's a double question. Does "Yes" mean I'm still eating, or that he should take the plate? I don't even know how to answer this question!

So you see, my brain is stuck figuring out how to answer the question in order to get the result I want, rather than just answering the question. My wife, of course, jumps in and answers right away because she's normal. She doesn't have to do all of these calculations in her brain before coming to a conclusion. It's just natural for her.

So next time you are ordering from the drive-thru and need to make a last second change to your order, or a customer assistance operator asks you for an unexpected piece of information, take a moment to enjoy the fact that you don't have to go through the work that my brain does in order to come up with the "correct" answer.

To Each His Own Stim

Of all of the behaviors that encompass Autistic behavior, there seems to be one common thread - stimming. Stimming is short for "self stimulation" and usually involves repetitive movement that stimulates one or more of the senses. In Autism, it is usually seen as a response to intense stimuli. Not much is known about the reason for stimming; it could be a stress response, a way to burn off unfocused energy, or a kind of self-comforting mechanism.

Stimming is very common in Spectrumites, however the specific stim can vary greatly. My daughter's main stim behavior is chewing/mouthing on objects. Other common stims include rocking back and forth, head bobbing, or skin pinching. Mine is picking and biting at the skin on my fingers. Sometimes the compulsion is so strong, I pick at my fingers to the point of drawing blood. Yeah, it's that bad.

There has been a debate about how to handle stim behaviors. Should all stim behaviors be stopped in an attempt to make the person more "normal?" Or should the stim behaviors be allowed to continue, for the comfort of the Spectrumite? I'm very waffley on this issue - I think the best approach is a little bit of both. I think allowing harmless stim behavior is a good idea if there is no potential for harm or injury to the person.

For example: in order to help our daughter feel more comfortable, we got her a chewable necklace so she could chew and mouth appropriately when needed. On the other hand, I have been trying REALLY hard to stop my finger picking, because it's obviously not good for my hands.

So I would be in favor of allowing something benign like hand flapping to continue, but I would certainly be trying to keep something like banging one's head against the wall to a minimum. The goal is to try to keep the person safe, but avoid depriving them of the behaviors they feel they need.

IMHO

Just a little bit about me, and this blog, FYI.

I write this blog from a number of viewpoints. First, I write as a parent of a child with Aspergers. I have a 6 year old daughter who also happens to be the cutest little girl in the world (sorry to all of you people out there who also have daughters, but it's true). She inspires a lot of what I write here.

Second, I write as a "medically informed person." Notice I did not claim to be a doctor, nor did I claim to have all of the correct answers when it comes to medical problems. This blog is not meant to diagnose, treat, cause, cure, or worsen any disease or mental health state.

Third, I write this blog form the viewpoint of a person with Aspergers... presumably. You see, I was never formally diagnosed with Aspergers, but while getting my daughter diagnosed I began sensing a lot of... shall we say "odd, unexplainable behaviors" on my part. I came to learn that Autism tends to run in families, and things began to clear up a bit. After months of soul searching, I finally became comfortable with the fact that I have Aspergers. A diagnosis now would be redundant. A lot of what I write will end up sounding strange and unbelievable, but it comes from my inner feelings as an Aspie myself.

So I wear many hats when I type these posts up. First and foremost, I write these posts because I expect NOBODY to read them. That's right. I don't have delusions of grandeur; I don't expect to be this massive blogger reaching thousands of people, spreading Autism awareness, and making the world a much better place to live in. I'm just using this blog to help express myself, figure out my feelings, and hopefully connect to the world a little better.

Now, if someone other than me happens to be reading this... awesome! Welcome! Don't be afraid to comment or e-mail me at aspieblogger@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter (@mindofanaspie).

I just ask one thing of you readers - please don't take what I say as the gold standard of facts about Autism. My posts contain my opinions based on the many aforementioned hats I wear. I may be commenting on something my daughter did, or something I read while reading about Autism research. I may be talking about some private feelings I have about how hard it is to try to fit in with you normal people. But please remember that all Sprectrumites are different. We are all unique. In fact, I fully expect other Aspies to read this blog and claim I'm full of crap. Just try to keep an open mind, and we all might learn something from this.

A Mighty Roar

It can be very difficult for parents of Autistic children to deal with, but this is a fact: tantrums are unstoppable. And in the case of children with Autism, the tantrums are SO MUCH MORE INTENSE.

If you are a parent of a child on the spectrum, I am about to tell you something you won't want to hear: the tantrums don't go away with age. I'm a full grown adult (sort of), and I still throw tantrums when I lose my keys.

The good news is that it's not your fault. You may feel like you are causing the tantrums by either using discipline or holding firm to boundaries, but it's not that. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing that sparks a tantrum. For me, it's losing something. For someone else, it can be an uncomfortable setting (too warm/too cold/too loud/too quiet/etc.). Some kids can throw a tantrum over a broken toy. Some can go off because they didn't get the right amount of chocolate chips on their cookie. It's different with every Spectrumite.

So, how to deal with the tantruming child? Well, let's start with what not to do. First, don't tell the child to be quiet or to not be upset - this will only make the child feel alienated and "wrong" for being upset. Second - and trust me on this - do NOT let them "cry it out." Tantruming Spectrumites very often get physical during tantrums and can cause harm to objects and themselves. If you just let them get it all out, you may end up with a broken lamp or a broken body part.

The best course of action is to hold the child tight and let them know everything is going to be okay. This is where wrestling skills come in handy. Your youngster is going to fight back; don't take it personally. But, BE CAREFUL!!! Remember, you are trying to prevent harm, not cause it. So make sure your child can breathe and nothing is bending at any weird angles. Also, do your best to soothe. Speak in a soft voice; tell him you love him, that it's going to be okay, or sing a lullaby she likes. Don't expect an immediate response, but it will sink in and they will feel more confident in their bond with you. When your child (FINALLY!!!!!!) begins to calm down (AFTER 19 HOURS OF SCREAMING!!!!!), reinforce the fact that everything is okay, and s/he shouldn't feel bad about going off.

Tantrums can be scary, especially for parents of Autistic children. But when you know how to handle them, you can get through them with at least some of your sanity intact.

Bear With Me

Just got this blog up and running, so bear with me while I fine tune all of the layout stuff. It doesn't look so hot, but it will when I get around to tweaking it after taking care of my 32 other obsessions/hobbies.

You Know What I'm Talking About

I just don't get it.

I understand when I do something weird, like starting a conversation with someone in the middle of an idea. I know that's strange, but sometimes I just can't help it. It happens. I get that - you don't know what I've been thinking of for the past 5 minutes, and you need a recap. It's just hard for me to waste the time catching you up on what's been flying around inside my brain.

But that's not it. Here's the thing.

The other day, my wife is talking about something that she and her mom were talking about. This triggers a thought in my brain about something my mom has been dealing with recently (which my wife knows about). So I ask her if she has heard anything about it. Her response:

"You know, you started that conversation in the middle again. I mean, I know what you mean, but do you realize that you did that?"

So, if my wife admits to knowing what I'm talking about when I start talking in mid-conversation...

WHERE IS THE PROBLEM????

If she gets confused thinking that I'm talking about her mom, then I apologize and start from the beginning. But I know that she will catch on, and I'd rather not waste my time with the other stuff. She should actually be happy that I think she'll be quick enough to get what I'm talking about.

I deal with these things all the time.

Why don't you understand?
What was that noise? You can't hear that?
How was that supposed to help?
Why are you wasting time?
There isn't a way to do this easier?
Doesn't it bother you that you are wrong?

And, apparently, I am the weird one.